One of the many things you don’t think about in parenting is when your children leave for college or at least I didn’t.  It seems so far away in the beginning when they are babies and before you know it, it’s 18 years and senior year in high school has arrived all too quickly.

I posted these thoughts on my girls leaving home on my Instagram stories a while back and have gotten several requests to share this again.  I’m posting it here so it is easy to reference and share. I hope it’s helpful to you.  It’s a great reminder for me as they leave again. I’d love your thoughts on this so please leave a comment below.

xo

Alicia

I haven’t really done this before but I’m going to process/share something here because I think many of us are going through the same thing….

Several of you asked why I said “home” when my daughter was heading back to school in Malibu. The past few weeks, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about our college age children building a life for themselves apart from our home…

I’ve said this before, and many friends have said it recently, that we prepare our children leave for college but we don’t prepare ourselves. Honestly though, I don’t think you really can prepare yourself for how you’ll feel when you drive away from your 18 year old and return to their “empty” room.  When my oldest went to college, I was determined to focused on how excited I was for her to chase her dreams also on my other girls needs/activities here.  That worked pretty well until she came home and left again.  Then I refocus on how happy she is there and all she is showing herself she is capable of and excelling at what she loves.  Yes, there were/are tears but I didn’t feel what I feel now…because You don’t know what you don’t know.

Three years later, we’ve just moved our middle daughter to college and I think it was almost more difficult to send a second one off to chase her dreams. I now know what I didn’t know before.  It’s a realization that: 1. this is really happening (haha, I guess I’m a very slow learner!) and 2. I know she will only be at home for a few weeks or a best three-ish months during the summer from here on out. Wow! That bring tears to my eyes and tugs at my heart strings. Focusing on both of them being right where they need to be to chase their dreams and focusing on my daughter still here does help…although my husband keeps asking me if I’m ok…Yes, I am and will be.  It’s an adjustment to a new normal in my home.

Here is why I said my oldest was headed “home”…As hard as it is for us to let our children go, it can also be hard for them to “live” in two places. “Home” is always where family is but they also have a “new home” in their college town where they are building their own life. Same goes when the graduate and get a job, I’m sure. Home should be where they are happiest and sometimes that is their “new home” and that’s ok. Really, that’s GOOD! That is a big parenting goal and what we raise them to be able to do…create a life and home they love. That is successful parenting, right?!

I remember when I was in college, it was hard to have this great life and rhythm going and leave it in the summer. It’s probably why I spent summers in Waco after my sophomore year going to class and working…and yes, having fun with friends…living my life. I went “home” to see my family often but lived in Waco until I graduated. I was happy there. And my parents made me think they were ok with that. (Guess I should ask them if they felt all this, too!)

So in thinking through all of this, here is where I am…Maybe our college kiddos now have a “childhood home/homebase” and their “home” is where they live most of the year.  As hard as it is to see them go, I think it helps to realize that and also as parents that really is part of our job: To show them what home is like and help and encourage them to build their own home and life. My parents moved from my hometown to Kansas City right after I graduated and I always told them “home” was where they were. But now I have built my own home with my family and I want that to serve as the childhood home/homebase for my girls but I do want them to build their own “home”…they have and they are.  I’m proud of them and we’ll always be home base…always.

Thanks for letting me ramble and for coming to my “Ted Talk.” I’d love to know your thoughts and feelings so leave me a comment below.

xo

Alicia

You can find other college related posts below:

• 21 Tips for College Move In
• Best College Care Packages
• Dorm Room Organization
• Dorm Room Essentials and Inspiration
• Beautiful Home Decor on a Budget